(Al Quran, Surah Al Rum, 30:20)
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect".
(Al Quran, Surah Al Rum 30:21)
In the verse from the Holy Quran (30:21) quoted above God Almighty has clearly instructed men to seek wives from among their own kind, and get married so that they can find peace solace and happiness with them (their wives). Marriage between men and women has been pre-ordained for mankind, it is quite unnatural for any man or woman not to have a desire to seek a partner (spouse) in life.
The school holidays nationwide started about two weeks ago, and coinciding with the year end holidays, many young couples (as well as the not-so-young couples) in the Malay/Muslim community across the nation are taking time during this “holiday season” to perform their marriage vows, i.e. to get married. Though religious “marriage” ceremonies and/or solemnization and the ensuing festivities (wedding kenduri, lunch or dinner (reception)) can be held at any time all year round but such occasions are normally held at certain proper and appropriate “season” when families and friends are able to take a break from their normal work routines to be together organizing the couple’s marriage and be with the couple in celebrating their marriage .
It is no surprise that during peak season of marriage vows such as during the last couple of months and the next few weeks towards the year end, religious officials in a particular district (the naib kadi, the jurunikah, the surau/mosque imam, etc) who normally officiate over the marriage solemnization ceremonies will have their hands full, having to officiate at least ten or more marriages per day during weekends, hopping from one house to another or from one mosque to another, (performing the akad nikah) solemnizing couples as husbands and wives in accordance with the syariah (Islamic laws).
The Akad Nikah being officiated
Marriage vows and weddings, unlike divorces, are happy cheerful merry occasions, and the preparations involve and entail so much time, energy and money and enormous preparations which normally begin well ahead of the marriage date, sometimes months but normally weeks before the fixed date. Many people too will be involved on both sides, the boy’s and the girl’s, especially parents and siblings, all looking forward to seeing someone in the family getting married.
These days the early stages of making discreet enquiries (merisek) about the girl by the boy’s family is already almost a thing of the past, not practiced any more, and literally unnecessary because the boy inevitably knows every bit of details about the girl, including being able to decide whether they both (the boy and the girl) are mutually suitable for each other or not, before they even decide to become a steady couple and eventually decide to tie the knot (get married). And parents nowadays (especially within the Malay community) are no more in the habit of imposing their likes or dislikes, terms or conditions over their son’s or daughter’s choice of a prospective spouse. Boys and girls themselves know best in making their choice of a life partner and parents do not normally interfere or intervened any more, much more so if it is a case of a widowed man/woman or a divorcee getting married again, the choice is entirely his/her own. Whoever is chosen by the boy/man or girl/woman as his/her life partner will generally be accepted by parents and family without much problem, unless there are crucial matters to be resolved such as involving faith/religion, for example.
Even engagement (pertunangan) is already also not practiced any more in most cases as it is considered quite unnecessary and a sheer waste of valuable resources (time, energy, money). However there are yet many young couples who still appreciate the cultural sentimental and romantic values of an engagement, and hence insist on getting themselves engaged first before getting married. Parents will then have to execute the engagement process for their son or daughter in accordance with whatever has been agreed between the boy and the girl such as what type/value of engagement ring to exchange, what engagement gifts to be presented by the boy to the girl and vice versa, and how long will their engagement period be, for example, six months or one year, but seldom longer than that.
During the period of engagement there will normally be a lot of preparations to be made by the boy and the girl (and their parents/families) again based on whatever has been agreed between them both (the boy and the girl). Parents quite liberally in most cases do offer and give some useful advice and suggestions to make their son’s or daughter’s marriage perfectly in compliance with all the religious and cultural requirements and practices and be as beautiful and “glamorous” as it possibly can – that is indeed the wish of any boy and any girl who is getting married, and of course the wish of all parents too.
In many States in Malaysia, if not all, there are pre-conditions which all Muslim boys and girls and anyone (man or woman) who wants to get married must comply with and must first of all get themselves ready with:
i) the recognized Pre-Marriage Course must be completely attended at the end of which a Certificate will be issued;
ii) a HIV blood test must be done at any recognized government hospital/clinic to determine the boy, girl, man or woman is free of any blood related health problems which can cause problems to their marriage;
iii) a Certification of his/her present place/address of residence must be obtained from the nearest Mosque authority;
iv) an application to get married must be submitted by the boy/man or girl/woman to the nearest Islamic Religious Department office, based on his/her certified place/address of residence, and a written approval to get married thereby obtained;
v) the girl/woman must book a date/time with the local marriage official (jurunikah) so that the jurunikah can block the appointment to come to her home and perform the marriage solemnization ceremony (akad nikah) for her and her husband-to-be, considering the fact that the official will have to officiate many marriage vows on that same day in many places/homes for many couples.
Having had all the above, and any other pre-conditions stipulated as and when required, met and fully complied with, the rest of the preparations for the couple to commit to a marriage vow and get married will be almost entirely dependent on whatever that they both (the boy and the girl) and their parents/families agree upon.
How much will be the dowry (wang hantaran) that the boy will give to the girl will be mutually decided between them, it can be RM5k or less, it can be RM10k, it can be RM20k or much more than that, all depending upon affordability of the boy/man and agreed by the girl/woman.
How many platters (dulang) of gifts to be mutually presented between the boy and the girls, and what gifts will all be discussed and decided, normally the girl will give a platter more of gifts to the boy than the boy to the girl, and gift items are based on common practice. Most important of all is the tepak sireh and/or the sireh junjung. Again different ethnic community (for example, Javanese, Minangkabau, Bugis, Banjar, Mandailing, etc) will have different kinds of gifts to be exchanged between the bride and bridegroom, in accordance with their own unique ethnic culture.
Most important of all is the mas kahwin to be given by the boy to the girl, whether in cash or in kind (of equivalent money value) and mas kahwin shall not be less than the amount already fixed/stipulated by the State, for example RM80 in Selangor or RM22.50 in Pahang, etc and this must be made available as one of the pre-requisites to validate the akad nikah (marriage ceremony).
The Mas Kahwin - An expensive Gold Bangle
Then of course both sides, the boy’s and the girl’s, will discuss, decide and agree upon the dates of the akad nikah, the bersanding (the marrying couple sitting on the dais, displaed to all family and guests), the wedding lunch or dinner to be held by the girl’s family and subsequently by the boy’s family, etc, etc all involving lots of planning, intricacies and understanding so that the couple’s marriage will be successful and a grandeur, the gateway to them being husband and wife, forever they will be as long as they both respect and comply with their marriage vows and mutually honour and appreciate each other in the matrimony.
(The above narration is based only on personal knowledge and observation of what is commonly practiced in a local Malay/Muslim marriage situation)
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